Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
