Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
