Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
