I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't think brook has ever known best
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
