I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
