Can i not drive my cunt home
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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