i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
