where am i from again
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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