Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
