i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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