Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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