shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
