u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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