I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
