I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
