Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
