Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Green mimosas i think yes
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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