I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just want to make out with him forever
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
