There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
