I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
