At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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