Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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