dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
