I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
