So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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