My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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