I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
