ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
