Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
