Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
