Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
