How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
