I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
