We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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