Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
