Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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