census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
