dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
