If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
