How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
