You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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