i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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