booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
