She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
17 year olds will be the death of me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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