i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
