i permit you to call me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
