Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we made out on top of his cat.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
