I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
