I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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