Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
