Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
